So, today I turn twenty-seven. I honestly thought I would have a career and a life by now, but instead I'm posting journal updates onto a website...

Le sadface.

I am, however, in the process of quitting WoW (despite the fact I have months pre-paid on my account) because I'm simply tired of spending money to spend time with the mentally challenged and the hopelessly immature. At the very least I would hope to be paid a decent sum to deal with that kind of stress.

I'm also trying to cut back on the weed. Since I've stopped smoking cigarettes, again, as well, my old state of perpetual disdain and anger is starting to grow again. I guess I'd rather be cynical and cogniscient than stoned and relaxed.

Here's to hoping my twenty-seventh year of existence is a good one. I feel like the last five or so years of my life have been squandered, and I'd like to have a good year that actually revitalizes my faith in humanity instead of continuing to crush it. Perhaps my expectations are far too high, or perhaps the company I keep is just downright terrible; I don't know.

I do know that I have yet to find what most people would call 'good company.' More and more I feel like it is a strain to get along with people and I feel like the so-called "rewards of friendship" are simply not worth the effort. I become reclusive because I feel like I lose a bit of myself when I'm with other people, like I have to change myself in order to 'fit in', and I fucking hate it.

This is one of the major reasons why I'm quitting WoW and why I think the internet and MMOs are socially detrimental. These environments surely cater to the lowest common denominator, especially in the MMO case. The end result is I have to consciously retard myself in order to avoid confrontation or confusion because these people are so incapable of meaningful human interaction. After getting into a repetitive pattern of doing so, it starts having detrimental effects on my self-esteem, my mind, and even my view of the world.

In all honesty, reclusive behaviour seems less detrimental... And that is dowright pathetic.

With these thoughts in mind, even though I would love to, one day, make a MMO, it weighs heavy on my conscience. It is, as Alan Moore described the city, "an abbatoir for retarded children"; a social grouping which seems to insure they will never become functional individuals in modern society, and, worse, makes many of them spiteful that anyone could succeed, in any sense, at all. That is what I consider a sign of the lowest form of human depravity; it is beyond pathetic, beyond deserving pity... It is the emotional equivalent of human road-kill on a four-lane highway; disgusting, shameful and pathetic.

There are some people on this site who have the tact and intelligence to make me less misanthropic. I thank you for being good people... It really makes all the difference; if everyone were truely 'equal', I would have killed myself long ago... Such a world simply wouldn't be worth living in.

If this makes me an egotistical asshole, then so be it. I would rather have an ego than be associated with the mass populace's mob mentality. I would rather be dead than be associated with them. I'm that serious.

I guess this rant sort of lets you see why I wrote Val's headspace to be where it is... and how badly I need to find some sort of flourishing in my life. I hope this year doesn't persist this emotional state; that something happens to allow me to believe in people again. This misanthropy is surely mentally unhealthy, and I'm sure the stress it causes can't be good for my health, either.

I'll leave you with a birthday song:

Happy birthday. (Ugh.)
Happy birthday. (Ugh.)
People dying,
Children crying,
Happy birthday. (Ugh.)